Okay, sure, even on paper, it\u2019s not a perfect match. Mashing up The Man From U.N.C.L.E.<\/em> (swanky, frothy, sexy) with The A-Team<\/em> (gonzo, gleeful, idiotic) is like ordering a Kir Royale with a Pabst Blue Ribbon chaser, or ending a jazz recital with a string of fart jokes. Even so, with the right script, this could\u2019ve worked. This could\u2019ve been fun. Hell, it could\u2019ve been cute<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some historical context here: \u201cThe Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair\u201d took place in the weird no-man\u2019s-land of The A-Team<\/em>\u2019s fifth and final season, when flagging ratings had resulted in a drastic retooling of the show. No longer soldiers of fortune on the run from the law, the A-Team\u2014Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A., plus new kid Frankie (Eddie Velez)\u2014are now carrying out dangerous missions for the U.S. government under the command of General Hunt Stockwell, played by the incomparable Robert Vaughn, best known as the sleek, smarmy secret agent Napoleon Solo on U.N.C.L.E<\/em>. Adding Vaughn to the cast was a smart move (proven fact: Robert Vaughn automatically makes everything approximately 80% more delightful), but it wasn\u2019t enough to save a show that was running on fumes. That final season\u2026 well, it\u2019s not good. The jokes are tired, the plots are flat, the cast members look exhausted and defeated, and all the good-hearted, bubble-headed joie de vivre<\/em> that characterized the early seasons of the show has evaporated into the ether. \u201cThe Say U.N.C.L.E. Affair\u201d, which reunited Vaughn with his former costar David McCallum, The Man From U.N.C.L.E<\/em>.\u2019s slinky, iconic Russian spy Ilya Kuryakin, aired on Halloween in 1986. Before the end of the year, the show would be cancelled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Somewhere in Siberia, Hannibal, Face, B.A., Murdock, and Frankie infiltrate a heavily-guarded Soviet base and swipe a stealth bomber. Back in day, the A-Team used to devote themselves to helping out the downtrodden and disenfranchised\u2014they\u2019d help inner-city kids defend their community center from greedy developers, for example, or they\u2019d protect small business owners from brutal extortionists. Now they\u2019re stealing expensive crap from the Soviets for the U.S. government. Oh, how times have changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Dig how the Soviets have customized their stealth bomber with jazzy red stripes and stars. Stealth bombers generally aren\u2019t covered with red paint and flashy detailing, for reasons of, y\u2019know, stealth, but let\u2019s allow The A-Team<\/em> a little artistic license on this point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meanwhile, back in\u00a0Los Angeles, General Stockwell is contacted by mild-mannered\u00a0Oxford\u00a0professor-slash-Soviet agent Ivan Trigorin (McCallum, still\u00a0the coolest guy on television), his former partner at the CIA. Stockwell and Trigorin meet up at the La Brea Tar Pits, where they warmly embrace, reminisce about the good old days, and pull guns on each other. Trigorin knocks Stockwell out with a wristwatch that shoots poisonous gas (U.N.C.L.E. would be proud, guys) and kidnaps him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gotta say, after that scene, my hopes were very, very high for this episode. It\u2019s zippy and fun, the nostalgia factor is off the charts, and McCallum and Vaughn, the old pros, still have that crazy, weird chemistry that made their U.N.C.L.E<\/em>. pairing such a delight. Sadly, it\u2019s all downhill from here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Their mission in Siberia successful, the A-Team returns to Los Angeles, where they catch wind of Stockwell\u2019s kidnapping. Before they can decide upon a course of action, their hotel room is invaded by a small horde of Soviet diplomats, who demand the return of their stealth bomber. Half-hearted fisticuffs ensue. Check out Mr. T, who is so over this damn show that he can\u2019t even be bothered to get up off the couch to lend his teammates a hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a staggering violation of the Vienna Convention, Hannibal casually tortures one of the Soviet diplomats for a while (hey, Hannibal\u2014it\u2019s 1986, and U.S.-Soviet relations are strained as it is. Maybe try to avoid<\/em> sparking a global nuclear incident? Thanks). He learns that Trigorin, who is currently working for the Chinese, not the Soviets, has absconded with Stockwell in an attempt to locate the stealth bomber.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Man. Everyone just seems lifeless and glum. I think George Peppard fell asleep midway through this scene.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The A-Team breaks into the Chinese embassy to access top-secret records about Trigorin, whereupon they learn that Trigorin is operating out of a psychiatric hospital. So Murdock summons up another of his endless psychoses (this week, he believes he\u2019s Frank Sinatra) and gets himself admitted as a mental patient to see if he can find Stockwell. Dwight Schultz is trying<\/em> to earn his paycheck, bless his heart. He\u2019s fighting an uphill battle with this dud of an episode, but he\u2019s in there swinging, doing his best Sinatra shtick and singing his heart out. George Peppard, meanwhile, is still napping.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Face and Frankie head to UCLA to listen to a lecture given by Trigorin, who, I remind you, is an Oxford professor as well as a CIA\/Soviet\/Chinese spy. We\u2019re treated to the tail end of Trigorin\u2019s speech, which\u2026 well, here\u2019s the transcript:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019d like to leave you now with one final thought: Over the years, my research into the human mind has taught me many things, the most important being the fact that few, if any, ever reach our full intellectual potential. Why is this? The major reason, in my understanding, involves a word which most people want to avoid. That word is fear. I urge you to become bold and courageous explorers of new thoughts and ideas. Let no fear stand in your way! By transcending our fears, we discover the richest rewards imaginable: the true creative potential of our own minds. I promise you a grand and glorious adventure. Thank you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Oof. That was breathtakingly<\/em> inane. Holy hell, A-Team<\/em> writers, you really think your viewers are idiots, don\u2019t you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n After the lecture, Trigorin beats the ever-loving crap out of Frankie, which is oddly cathartic and satisfying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Murdock discovers that heavily-armed men have taken over a secret level of the mental hospital. Suspecting Trigorin is holding Stockwell there, the A-Team manufactures a fake earthquake (Frankie rigs up a small explosion, B.A. tosses a few crumbling chunks of plaster into the air conditioning vents) and spurs an evacuation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Anyway, yeah, up on the secret level, Trigorin has indeed been interrogating Stockwell as to the whereabouts of the stealth bomber. As the interrogation mostly consists of spinning Stockwell\u2019s chair in a circle while trying to convince him he\u2019s plummeting to earth with a malfunctioning parachute (I only wish I were joking), it\u2019s all pretty ineffective. And lame. Mostly, it\u2019s lame.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hannibal offers Trigorin a trade: In exchange for sparing Stockwell\u2019s life, he\u2019ll lead Trigorin to the bomber, which he\u2019s stashed on a studio backlot. At the studio, a big, long, messy fight between the A-Team and Trigorin ensues. Here\u2019s a nice touch\u2014all of Trigorin\u2019s henchmen are wearing that natty turtleneck-under-a-suit coat combination that McCallum made famous on The Man From U.N.C.L.E<\/em>. There are plenty of clever little U.N.C.L.E<\/em>. callbacks (the title cards at the start of each act, the swirling breaks between scenes, the casual reference to \u201cChannel D\u201d) embedded into the episode; it\u2019s not enough to compensate for the sad, soggy, tepid script, but the effort is appreciated nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Trigorin steals a van and tries to run over Stockwell, but crashes and (apparently) dies in a fiery inferno. There\u2019s a lot of denouement (the stealth bomber gets destroyed in the fracas, except it doesn\u2019t, because the real<\/em> bomber is actually in Bakersfield; Murdock, still believing he\u2019s Sinatra, takes the stage at a swanky gig), but, much like most of the cast members, I\u2019m over this episode, so I\u2019m going to wrap it up with a fast look at the way Stockwell dials the phone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Robert Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Even in this absolute crapfest of an episode, Vaughn is bringing<\/em> it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For some damn fool reason, I thought this would be a good idea. My affection for the high-energy, unapologetic goofiness of\u00a0The\u00a0A-Team\u00a0is\u00a0no secret. And while I\u2019ve arrived very late […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":825,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-eighties"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/823","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=823"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/823\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1552,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/823\/revisions\/1552"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/825"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=823"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=823"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=823"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"A](\"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/A-Team-Say-Uncle-Affair-Soviet-bomber.jpg\")
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