{"id":449,"date":"2011-11-08T07:08:08","date_gmt":"2011-11-08T15:08:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/?p=449"},"modified":"2023-03-08T11:35:57","modified_gmt":"2023-03-08T19:35:57","slug":"duranalysis-duran-durans-girl-panic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/duranalysis-duran-durans-girl-panic\/","title":{"rendered":"Duranalysis: Girl Panic!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In Duran Duran’s dazzling, gorgeous, nine-and-a-half-minute Jonas \u00c5kerlund-directed video extravaganza for \u201cGirl Panic!\u201d, a flock of big-name supermodels of days past\u2014Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova, Helena Christensen, and Yasmin Le Bon \u2014play John, Simon, Nick, Roger, and, uh, someone else. Meanwhile, the boys themselves portray an assortment of peripheral characters\u2014bellhops and drivers and journalists, etcetera. It\u2019s cheerful, decadent, sleazy good fun. Here we go:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Naomi Campbell, decked out in a leather corset and teetering stiletto booties and looking like a gajillion bucks, wakes up in a four-poster bed in an luxurious suite in London\u2019s Savoy Hotel.<\/p>\n\n\n

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There\u2019s an empty champagne bottle on a nearby dresser and a couple of scantily-clad women slumbering beside her. She slides out of bed and slinks her way through the suite, navigating around empty champagne bottles and several more passed-out scantily-clad women, most of whom are dressed in some combination of high heels and couture bondage gear.\u00a0Somebody<\/em>\u00a0had herself a fun evening.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Meanwhile, Eva Herzigov\u00e1 glides her way around London, her glittery stiletto sandals dangling from one hand. This is intercut with a bit where she introduces herself as Nick Rhodes to an interviewer, who is played by the real Nick Rhodes. I was going to describe him as \u201cthe inimitable Nick Rhodes,\u201d but Eva actually does a damn good job of capturing Nick\u2019s odd mixture of wit and genial snobbery. Nick is still my dream dinner-party guest (just imagine the wine he\u2019d bring!), but in a pinch, Eva could fill in for him nicely.<\/p>\n\n\n

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(While I\u2019m willing to believe this video depicts Duran Duran\u2019s day-to-day lifestyle with staggering verisimilitude, one detail rings false: Can anyone picture Our Nick padding barefoot along the banks of the Thames, the way Eva does here? Even if his feet\u00a0really, really hurt<\/em>, he\u2019d keep his shoes firmly on. Suffering for fashion and whatnot.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re introduced to the rest of the band: Helena Christensen,\u00a0no stranger to starring in iconic music video<\/a>s, plays Roger, while Naomi is Simon. Of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The real John Taylor interviews Cindy-Crawford-as-John-Taylor, who explains that, as Duran Duran has switched guitarists from time to time (Andy to Warren to Andy again to Dom), the band members never know who\u2019s going to show up to play\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n

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\u2026Which segues into the introduction of Yasmin Le Bon. Yasmin informs viewers that she\u2019s not a member of Duran Duran. She\u2019s credited as simply \u201cThe Guitarist,\u201d which is as graceful a way as any of getting around the whole Andy problem.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Eva-as-Nick tells Interviewer Nick, \u201cI wrote the last song. I take full credit for it.\u201d According to interviews on the nifty making-of DVD that came enclosed with the\u00a0All You Need Is Now<\/em>\u00a0CD, the lyrics for \u201cGirl Panic!\u201d did indeed spring from Nick\u2019s boundlessly entertaining brain. Nick, by the way, also came up for the idea for this video, which: no kidding. I mean, of\u00a0course<\/em>\u00a0he did. The gorgeous extravagance, the hilariously louche behavior, the gender-bending, the mild kink, the vast amounts of champagne, the pretty sparkly things\u2026 this video has Nick\u2019s impeccably-manicured fingers all over it. If you cracked open Nick\u2019s head*, I\u2019m pretty sure this video would spring out, fully formed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Please don\u2019t crack open Nick\u2019s head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When informed by Interviewer Nick that there have been some \u201ctruly shocking reviews\u201d of the band in the past, Eva-as-Nick replies, \u201cDamn! I\u2019d love to read all of those.\u201d Oh, me too, Eva. Me too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

John Taylor chauffeurs Cindy-as-John around London in a Rolls. In the backseat, Cindy swills champagne straight from the bottle, sticks her head outside the window to let her glorious mane of hair billow in the breeze, and shows more vibrant personality in these few seconds than she did in all ninety-one exceedingly tedious minutes of\u00a0Fair Game<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Interviewer Roger asks Helena-as-Roger, \u201cAny addictions?\u201d Helena blithely replies, \u201cThere were some episodes, but I\u2019d rather not talk about them.\u201d Cut to Helena-as-Roger passed out atop of stack of Louis Vuitton trunks on a luggage trolley, being wheeled up to her suite by Nick, who is kitted out in the fanciest goddamned bellhop uniform on the planet.<\/p>\n\n\n

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This could be a quick callback to the sexy bellhop in the \u201cUnion of the Snake<\/a>\u201d video, I suppose, though it seems far more reasonable to assume Nick was just looking for an excuse to wear a spiffy uniform and an adorable little cap.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Abandoned by Bellhop Nick, Helena-as-Roger tumbles off her stack of luggage. Finally awake, she looks around in confusion, then staggers to the phone and dials up room service for more champagne. She teeters drunkenly around the suite, taking Polaroid snapshots of the various passed-out girls. Oh, Helena. I think I love you. Or maybe I love Roger? It gets difficult to sort out after a while.<\/p>\n\n\n

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A room service waiter\u2014that\u2019d be our man Simon Le Bon\u2014arrives. He\u2019s bearing a champagne bottle and a tray of glasses. When Helena grabs for the bottle, the glasses topple.<\/p>\n\n\n

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The various passed-out scantily-clad girls in the suite begin to wake up. They stumble around with champagne bottles and trip over their high heels and grope each other. I can\u2019t even imagine the champagne budget on this video, but it must have been staggering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cindy and Yasmin slink into an elevator with Roger, who\u2019s clad in the livery of a hotel employee, and proceed to paw at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the elevator reaches the appropriate floor, the doors slide open, revealing a stunned and disheveled Roger. You know, this video gets impressively weird when you start thinking about all the gender-reversal and role-switching. So, ah, John just got frisky with Roger in an elevator, right?<\/p>\n\n\n

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Nick\u2014the real Nick\u2014continues his interview with Eva-as-Nick: \u201cNow, you have been described as the world\u2019s first metrosexual\u2014\u201d Eva cuts him off with a dismissive reply: \u201cI don\u2019t read that stuff, I don\u2019t see that.\u201d A pause, then: \u201cI love my shoes.\u201d Eva Herzigov\u00e1, you just won the video.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Interviewer John proffers a few genial compliments about Duran Duran to Cindy-as-John; Cindy waxes nostalgic for the days of shoulder pads and big hair. Look, you two, you\u2019re both gorgeous, you both have hair that could incite riots, and I love you both to bits, but compared with the drunken debauchery of Helena\u2019s Roger and the smartest-airhead-in-the-room zingers of Eva\u2019s Nick, you need to raise your game.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Helena-as-Roger: \u201cI don\u2019t really hang out with the rest of the guys all that often. They\u2019re a bad influence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The band\u2014the sexy supermodel version of the band, at least\u2014assembles for a photoshoot for the cover of Harper\u2019s Bazaar UK<\/em>, under the direction of fashion powerhouses Dolce & Gabbana.<\/p>\n\n\n

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In lightning-fast flashes, we can see that it\u2019s actually Roger, John, Simon and Nick being photographed.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Post-shoot cocktail party: Roger fixes drinks behind the bar while John, Nick and Simon mill about. The party guests consist of their supermodel alter egos and, yes, scantily-clad women in lingerie. More champagne is consumed\u2014much more\u2014and the crowd becomes orgiastic. Of this video, a friend tweeted at me that he felt \u201ckinda drunk after watching it.\u201d To which I will now reply: Yes, exactly, but it\u2019s a\u00a0good<\/em>\u00a0kind of drunk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The band\u2014the supermodel version\u2014perform on a Swarovski crystal-bedazzled set in front of television cameras, which are operated by sexy pantsless women in stilettos. No working model in London went unemployed on the day this video was shot.<\/p>\n\n\n

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As at the Harper\u2019s shoot, we see a few ephemeral shots of the real band mixed in with all the footage of the supermodels. Check out the image in the monitor in this shot:<\/p>\n\n\n

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The snazzy and elegant end credits include this very important disclaimer: \u201cNO SUPERMODELS WERE HARMED DURING THIS PRODUCTION.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And it all ends with Bellhop Nick wheeling a passed-out Helena-as-Roger through the Savoy\u2019s opulent lobby on a luggage trolley.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Whew! Giddy stuff. After that super-saturation of glamour, I\u2019m exhausted, a bone-deep fatigue that can only be driven away with vast quantities of champagne and a ride in the back of a chauffeured Rolls. Outstanding job, boys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In Duran Duran’s dazzling, gorgeous, nine-and-a-half-minute Jonas \u00c5kerlund-directed video extravaganza for \u201cGirl Panic!\u201d, a flock of big-name supermodels of days past\u2014Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova, Helena Christensen, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":468,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-449","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-duran-duran"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=449"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1603,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449\/revisions\/1603"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=449"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=449"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/morganrichter.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=449"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}